Intimacy – sex and prostate cancer are all too often terms which are not associated with each other in the relationship of many couples. There are a host of reasons why this is the case. As someone who was diagnosed at the young age of 45 with advanced stage prostate cancer, I can tell you from firsthand experience that intimacy – sexuality and prostate cancer can happily coexist in any relationship.
Here are a couple of tips to bringing back the passion, fun and adventure in your relationship.
First and foremost: you have to gradually change your way of thinking of prostate cancer as something that “he” has. Prostate cancer doesn’t just affect one person in a relationship – it affects both of you.
One of the easiest ways to start this change of thought is to reduce your use of the words “he” and “I” when talking about prostate cancer.
How do you do this? Start by substituting the word “we” or “our” or “us” rather than “I” or “he” or “him.” For example when someone asks how your partner is doing with his treatments, say, “we’re doing really well.” It may take some time to get use to this, but trust me, it will pay dividends in your relationship.
Why is changing a few simple words important? It begins to subtly establish that the two of you, as a couple, have an overlapping and mutuality between you. As individuals this connection intertwines each of you in your relationship as a couple. Thinking of yourself as a “us” and not a “me” opens the door to intimacy.
Second: understand that intimacy and sexuality are healing forces. The more touching, caressing and kissing between you, prepares and charges your body to overcome emotional and physical hurtles that pave the way to pleasure.
One intimacy technique you can start today and each day after is; kissing your partner and holding your kiss for a minimum of 10 seconds. It may take you some practice, but you’ll both enjoy the work. As you’ll quickly see, 10 seconds is a lot longer than you may have thought. If you really want to give yourselves a challenge try it for 20 or 30 seconds. As a former high school and college wrestler I can tell you when you’re trying to keep from getting pinned and you’re on your back, 30 seconds is a very long time.
I often tell my martial arts students that “repartitions make the master.” So feel free to get in as many reps as you can each day of kissing.
Third: Open and honest couple communications is the key to improving your Intimacy with Prostate Cancer and intimacy regardless of any health issues. If you haven’t already done so, get your free copy of my short report on How to Improve Couple Communications. You can thank me later.